Copyright 2007
LaSalle County Episcopal Ministry.
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Lightbulb jokes
Q: How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 3
1 to turn it, and 2 to catch it when it falls.
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Q: How many Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Undetermined.
Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved -- you can be a lightbulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. A church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday, August 19. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
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Q: How many Jewish Renewal Rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Depends.
One if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity from nuclear power.
Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb.
Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called "The Jew in the Lightbulb."
Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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Q: How many zen buddhists does it take to change a lightbulb???
A: Three. one to change the lightbulb, one not to change the lightbulb, and one to neither change nor not change?the lightbulb.
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?Q: how many episcopalians does it take to change a lightbulb???
What? Change the lightbulb? My grandmother donated that lightbulb.
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Q: how many existentialists does it take to change a lightbulb???
A: two. one to screw it in and one to observe how the lightbulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a cosmos of nothingness.
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Q: how many quakers does it take to?change a lightbulb???
A: None. who needs a lightbulb when you have an inner light?
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Q: how many Southern Baptists does it take to change a lightbulb???
A: one hundred and nine. seven on the lightbulb task force sub-committee, who report to the twelve
on the lightbulb task force, appointed by the fifteen on the trustee board. Their recommendation is
reviewed by the finance executive committee of five, who place it on the agenda of the eighteen-member
finance committee. If they approve, they bring a motion to the twenty-seven member church board,
who appoint another twelve-member review committee. if they recommend that the church board proceed,
a resolution is brought to the congregational business meeting. They appoint another eight-member
review committee. If their report to the next congregational business meeting supports the changing
of a lightbulb, and the congregation votes in favor, the responsibility to carry out the lightbulb
change is passed on to the trustee board, who in turn appoint a seven-member committee to find the
best price in new lightbulbs. Their recommendation of which hardware is the best buy must then be
reviewed by the twenty-three-member ethics committee to make certain that this hardware store has
no connection to disneyland. They report back to the trustee board who then commissions the trustee
in charge of the janitor to ask him to make the change. By then the janitor has discovered that
one more lightbulb has burned out.
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Q: How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb???
A: None. If god wants the light bulb to be changed, He will do it himself.
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Q: How many in the Church of Christ does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Where is the scriptural authority for a light bulb?
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Q: How many Lutherans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Twenty-two: one to hold the ladder, one to climb the ladder, ten to form a committee to evaluate the effectiveness of the old light bulb, and ten to form a committee for a pot-luck to welcome in the new light bulb.
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Q: How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: This statement was issued: "We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb (or light source, or non-dark resource), and present it next month at
our annual light bulb Sunday Service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted--all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence."
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Q: How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. God has predestined when the light will be on.
Submitted by Too embarrassed to say!
